Ah, dating —where the only thing faster than falling in love is your internet speed. Forget butterflies in your stomach; now it’s all about the ‘ding’ of a new match notification. Honestly, it’s like playing the lottery, except the jackpot is someone who knows the difference between ‘there,’ ‘their,’ and ‘they’re.’
1. The “Good Morning” Olympics
Picture this: You wake up to five different “Good morning, beautiful” texts. Wow, you must really be glowing! Nope—it’s just copy, paste, and send. It’s like these guys are running a group project, and you’re just one of the participants who didn’t know they signed up.
And if you dare respond with just “Morning,” brace yourself—”Oh, just ‘morning’? Not feeling me today?” Sir, it’s 7 AM, and I haven’t even had coffee. I’m barely feeling myself.
2. Profile Pictures vs. Reality
The art of the profile pic has reached new heights. Everyone looks like they’re starring in their own Netflix special. You meet in person, and suddenly it’s less “Bridgerton” and more “Survivor.” That’s not catfishing—that’s full-on deep-sea fishing with advanced bait.
3. Ghosting: The Modern-Day Magic Trick
One minute you’re texting about your favorite movies, and the next—poof! They vanish like your paycheck after payday. No explanation, no goodbye, just silence. I’m convinced some people moonlight as magicians.
4. “What Are You Looking For?” aka The Trick Question
“What are you looking for?” feels like a job interview, and the wrong answer might cost you the position. If you say, “Something serious,” they hit you with the “Oh, I’m just going with the flow.” If you say, “Just seeing where it goes,” they suddenly want to get married next Tuesday.
5. The “We Should Chill” Invitation
Ah, the classic: “We should chill.” Translation? Come over, watch a movie neither of us will remember, and eat snacks you bought because “he forgot.” Meanwhile, your idea of “chilling” was brunch, laughter, and maybe a cute pic for the ‘Gram.
So, What’s the Solution?
Honestly? Date like your Wi-Fi—connect when the signal is strong, unplug when it’s glitchy, and never settle for a connection that only works in certain corners. And if all else fails, at least your phone battery lasted longer than the conversation.